There certainly is no shortage of advice out there for men when it comes to la journée de l’amour. In fact, we’ve shared some (cool) Valentine’s Day advice in years past aimed at helping a guy out. Recently however, we’ve discovered a glaring imbalance in the field of romantic counsel. Shockingly it seems skewed heavily in favor of the ladies. In hopes of balancing out this inequity I bring the following sage advice from the men in our lives on what guys DON’T WANT for Valentine’s Day. 

I’ll admit that I personally find the day a bit passé, as does my husband. That said, I now acknowledge that my own romance game could use some work. It’s good to know that men {my guy included} do indeed have opinions on gifts de l’amour.

what guys DON’T WANT for valentine’s day

Boxers – emblazoned with lips, hearts, amorous frogs, or made of satin. {I was instructed to mention this extends to the mankini as well}

Chocolate – Because they gain weight too and women are never honest when asked if that pair of jeans gives them front butt.

Stuffed Animals – sure they accept that we’re still hip and (cool), but would like me to point out that we are no longer in high school so this option is out.

Tools – statements on gender roll stereotypes aside, if they can’t buy us a vacuum cleaner we should know that they may not be cool with getting a new power tool. Nothing says I love you, like something that helps them tackle the Honey-Do list.

A Pass{direct quote} “Oh, sure you say you don’t want anything but the minute your Bestie gets some new bling I’m in the dog house by default!”

Breakfast in Bed – let’s just sleep late and grab some brunch, girl. {bonus points for a Ryan Gosling impersonation}

Man Jewelry – Just because Buzz Feed says it’s a thing doesn’t mean you need to rush out and buy him diamond studs. Who else besides Johnny Depp and 50 Cent can pull that off? Certainly not Harrison Ford.

Bedding – Admittedly, he likes a good nap. Making the bed? Not-so-much. Additionally, nobody like satin sheets. Nobody.

Grooming Kits & Personal Hygiene Items – apparently these are the gifts of mixed messages, ‘I love you. You’ve still got it. Now go shave and while you’re at it I got you this heart shaped soap on a rope. Ya know, just in case you want to shower, too.’

Big Surprises – Do not. I repeat, do not ever wrap up a positive pregnancy test and present it to him on Valentine’s Day. {drops mic, exits stage left}

Ladies, now that we’ve had a glimpse into the mystery that is the soul of a man, let us go forth adore. Buy some craft beer. Rent a vintage Kung Fu flick. Order in something containing bacon. Nothing shows love like a wiliness to spend time together.

Plus… bacon.