How to Survive the Parenthood Aventure - (cool) progeny

We all start this adventure called “parenthood” with the same bleary-eyed sense of optimism. Our fair share of crippling self-doubt and an overwhelming desire for clairvoyance. After parenting for nineteen years (wholly crap, am I that old?!) I have picked up a few nuggets of wisdom along the way, though I’m nowhere near “all knowing.”

Parents who are newer to this adventure sometimes notice my wise ways (or my wrinkles) and ask for advice. I do my best to convey I am anything BUT an expert at this mom gig. If that doesn’t deter them, I impart the following parenting tips…

  • Coffee is indeed the fifth food group in the Parent’s Nutrition Pyramid. Nutella is the sixth.
  • Three-year-olds are the only people that can get away with stripping naked to take a pee. {{Just trust me on this.}}
  • Your are not as cool as I think you are. Doubt this? Simply ask a teenager. They will be happy to expound upon your lack of cool.
  • No matter how silent you thought it was, your kid did just hear you pass gas. They will be pointing this out – – rather loudly- – so be prepared.
  • Beauty can be found in everyday life IF you look for it. I suggest Sephora.
  • Date everyone, often. Whether it’s for bagels and board games, manicures and muffins, or a night out somewhere that doesn’t have a color-on menu, make time for one-on-one time with your child(ren), partner and even yourself.
  • Travel coffee mugs aren’t just for coffee. {{You know where I’m going with this, right? What red solo cups were to college life, travel coffee mugs are… }}
  • “What IS that?” This is never a question you want to have answered when cleaning a teenaged boy’s room. Again, trust me on this.
  • You are not a cat. Your saliva can not be used as a cleaning agent, so please refrain from using spittle to clean that Binky.
  • Never buy yourself a tasty treat. Either your offspring or your co-pilot will undoubtedly zero in on it with laser precision and devour it before you have worked out enough to be worthy of eating it yourself. Let’s be honest, you weren’t really going to workout anyway.
  • Kiss them goodnight, every night that they sleep under your roof. This privilege passes in the blink of an eye.

Remember that this adventure (ad·ven·ture noun: an exciting or very unusual experience. A bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.) is yours. You get to choose which turns to take.

Our progeny are cool, enjoy them!