We’ve got our toes in the water (age-appropriate beverage in hand) at the Outer Banks this week and decided to give ourselves a little blog break, too. We’ve got some fabulous guests posting for us and we’ll get a few in there, too. Today’s guest poster? Julie Blacker, founder and director of EtiKids.

Julie is a modern-day Ms. Manners for the preschool set. The fun and forward-thinking Manhattanite create EtiKids as a means of teaching social skills and school skills to children in an entertaining and developmentally appropriate manner.

We love EtiKids’ fantastic newsletter and blog – – both jam-packed with great ways to teach your tike the skills they’ll need for life.

Julie’s admits that her biggest pet peeve is when that little six-letter word is left off of sentences and out of requests. So for today’s post, she’s chattin’ up how to get your little one to use the “magic” word and mean it. And about that whole thing called behavior modeling.

Thanks for sharing, Julie!
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I recently did a survey on my website, www.etikids.com. The question was “do you make children say please when you ask for something?” Out of the responses, 58.3% said they do “all of the time.” 16.7% said “not as often as I should,” and 25% had other answers, including, “I will when I have a child!” and “Yes- but they are not my children…” 0% of the people said never!

The word “please” is to be used when you want something: to ask rather than to demand. That “magic word,” as it is often referred to for children, changes the tone of the sentence. An ultimatum begins to resemble a request, and the demeanor between the involved parties relaxes. A person is more willing to get the job done (with far less under-the-breath muttering) should that word be included.

The results of this poll should show just how hard it is to enforce that 1 word into daily vocabulary. Although it is amazing that more than half of the pollers are diligent about regularly enforcing the use of the word please, the 16.7% were brutally honest in their “not as often as I should” answers.

From an article on Parents Connect, Nanny Stella gives great advice for teaching children to use the word please (and thank you) in 3 steps: “1) show by example, 2) praise the pleases, and 3) be a broken record.”

Children truly learn from behavior being modeled, meaning, they learn by watching those around them. Control the market by showing them the behaviors that you want them to exhibit in public. If you want a child to hand you the cup of water instead of spill it, you should say, “Please hand me the water.” When the child uses the language on his/her own, praise him/her repeatedly. Positive reinforcement, is a highly effective way to teach children behaviors that you wish for them to continue without negative repercussions. Finally, if the child doesn’t use the word please, do not provide them with what they want until the magic word is said. For children, their new language can become innate with a bit of consistent practice. They will get it.

Children love challenges, so provide them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Count how many people said, “please” when they asked for something, whether in a restaurant, in a classroom, in a store. Let the kids listen for the magic word, and let them watch people’s reactions when it is and is not used. Children can learn from their own recognition skills: why politeness matters.

Please is the most basic of social etiquette; the politeness displayed by the courtesy will open doors with its usage. Teaching children this social skill at a young age will ensure mastery and give them the tools to succeed as grownups.

Note: This post originally appeared on the EtiKids blog, and was reposted in its entirety with permission from Julie Blacker.